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Title: The myth called Compatibility
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Blog Entry: “Compatibility” – Off late, all have been hearing this magic word, suddenly sprung into prominence. Wherever you go, whatever be the subject, this magic word creeps in some form or other. I set off to go deep into understanding what is really compatibility means? To ask people what was meant by compatibility in their views? One blogger said, “Well I am going to win a race, only if the car I drive is compatible to me.” Great stuff. One young graduate (computer science of course) said “I am looking for a job compatible to my education, talent, knowledge and attitude. The only I can succeed in my career”. ‘Fair enough’ I thought. One young girl said ”My husband should be compatible to my likings, feelings, family, career and hobbies. Then I would say I have a compatible husband” “Good thinking” I admitted. I asked the boy, “how compatible you are to a good race car?” Boy retorts “I can drive any car, man I am a race car driver and I don’t have to see how compatible I am to any car”. I asked the graduate “How compatible you are to a job?” He almost slapped me on the face “What do you mean? I am a triple graduate with “)(*&^_((^)&” certificates and you think I can’t do a job?” I asked the girl, ”How compatible you would be to a man?” She beamed “I am the way I am. Its for him to become compatible to me or go to Hell”. The problem with our mind set is that we always look for what we need, what suits us, what’s up to our liking and call it as compatibility. We normally don’t do a intro as to how compatible I am to the situation or to the person. When I ‘looked up’ in "Word" Thesaurus, to find the meaning for “compatible” as, Well-matched / Like-minded / Well-suited / Similar in temperament / Companionable / Friendly / Attuned. Its either way - complimentary. I would talk about the compatibility with respect to relationships here. In any relationship, two minds, two egos, two cultures, two hobbies, two natures, two characters -  communicate, compliment, be there with, make feel better - each other, the relationship flourishes and lasts. The mind and its ego always tends to defend itself and its actions, while wants the other to change or adopt and be compatible. Why should one change or adopt when the other is not ready to do the same? Any two persons can and will never be exactly the same. Like any two strings of a Guitar are not the same. But, hitting them at the right frequency, you get good music, which means one vibrates in harmony with the other. Not in exact same frequency as other. Nowadays compatibility is, If I like Pizza for dinner, she must like it too. I like white wine with fish, I don’t like bright colors, she must do all the same. Then I believe that we are compatible with each other. But, What if I found out after 2 years, I liked to work abroad and she likes to be in the home country? Where do I throw all those compatibility factors that I valued earlier? Compatiblity is viewed and understood as suitability of him/her. One defines his/her parameters or criteria and try to fit him/her into those.If most of them seem to fit or satisfies,  one feels he/she got a compatible partner or companion.Now that him/her also have the same type of check-list with few same and few different parameters and trying to fit the other into those.And when they are 'in love', they tend to magnify those fits and ignore or hide those doesn't fit.After honeymoon wanes, the approach and attitude slowly changes and those not-so-important criteria pops up every now and then and starts instigating the 'ego'. Now suddenly they are not compatible anymore or they "forgot to see the shortcomings in each other'.Trouble starts.. arguments... fights... shouts... tears... sleep alones... agony, distress...One who seemed to be the best and only made for the other just few months before, now has turned into a devil / bitch in the making. While standing at the verge of a career boost and must dedicate time and energy to focus on stabilizing life, both are running from lawyer to court for a divorce.continued...And after getting that hard fought, expensive divorce, people become more shy, more cautious and more confused about life and the myth called marriage. Almost all their imaginations, dreams and perceptions about married life in general, and about the opposite gender in particular, change from whatever it had been to worse. Some kind of aversion and hatred evolves in their minds and every instance they come in contact with the opposite gender, they are too cautious and suspicious. In fact, now having known who would be compatible to them and who won’t be, they must be in a better position to select their new partner, but, the reality is the opposite. They are now more confused as to find out who will be ‘compatible’ to them? And obviously, don’t want to burn their fingers again..!!! What about their parents? Just when thought they could relax, having got their kid married and looking forward for them to settle down in their family life and have children, even before the garlands dried up, they are back there, alone again… This time an unwanted tag on their forehead. “Divorced”, or more decently “Separated”. The family takes this unexpected and un-welcomed guest back in their home, but nobody looks at him/her the same way they used to. And this has shattered many a parent. All said and done, we are Indians and still this is Indian Culture and society. This has been there for thousands of years and has endured many a change throughout its existence. We just cannot turn into a completely westernized society, no matter how long it would take. The half-Indian and half-Western culture is catastrophic and it is happening in front of eyes, without our attention. I have been observing in the forums heated arguments, extensive theories and detailed philosophies about compatibility, what men want, what women want, should a divorcee remarry, should a divorcee get maintenance, should this, should that. Definitions and criteria - individuality and self-esteem - privacy and freedom – emotions and egos – career and likings –being stripped down to the last bone and analyzed exhaustively under microscope. All want ‘their’ requirements met and fulfilled. It is amazing to see everybody is well informed and well educated about their personality, traits, behavior, habits, hobbies, likings and needs like never before. But to my disappointment there is very little talk about ‘living’ with another person. Living with another ‘human’ being..! Another completely different individual…! Another bunch of flesh and bones, another set of mind and ego…! Seeing them through the same eyes which they want them to be seen..! Considering them as what one want them to be considered...!! If only one applies les than half of the extent of self-analysis to analyze the other and the way to find that “synergy” between the two, no marriage would break. Instead of “synergy”, people are looking for “synchronization” between the two. Synchronization is both to play exactly in the same frequency. No two minds can ever think in the same frequency. But, they can co-exist, co-work and co-think, in their own frequency, yet creating the synergy. Synergy is playing a group of violins and a group of guitars, reverberate the hall with its symphony, while playing its own chords and leads… If all the violins and guitars play the same tune at the same frequency, it only resonate to possibly blow up the hall, but its never good music, its never symphony… And when one hears that symphony from a couple’s life, there live two persons ‘compatible to each other’.